Tale of Two Kings
by SocialistBukharin
Summary: Warning! Crackfic ahead! Life can be incredibly dull and cruel to those who are born to be unlucky. My predicament is quite different as life decided to put me in the worst but most interesting situation ever: "I can't be a King! I can barely administer my own money at home."
1. Why are you looking at me like that?

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

 **Prologue:** **Why are you looking at me like that?**

The lands that surrounded several cities all around England were something truly astonishing to see and visit.

It was a perfect example how there was still restrain among humans to not destroy everything that is green or generally nature.

You would ask 'Why are you starting this tale with this boring beginning?' and I frankly can't say why myself.

It was the best that came up in my mind. Yes, I might have a decent learning basics on my back but as I have proven more than once, I was and I still am a mediocre student.

Anyway, talking about all that gibberish was starting to remind me the horrible torture my feet had suffered months ago and the incessant feeling of being spied upon as I tried to 'enjoy' this wonderful place.

Still, interestingly enough, big stuff happened.

A moment I was begging all deities to give me some relief or an early death, then I felt myself falling.

You might think 'Oh! Is that some magical deus ex machina to get yourself in something epic?'. Wrong! Nada!

A traitorous root of one of the many identical tree near me willingly tripped my poor, sore foot and caused my entire body to fall painfully on the ground.

Muttering some not-so-holy words to the tree that caused the whole debacle, I finally noticed a minor mistake I made few minutes earlier.

A good explorer has to never forget from where he came from while doing this kind of walk deep in the woods.

Sadly this dude ain't a good explorer and in my shenanigans I might have forgotten where should I go if I wanted to return to civilisation.

Several mood swings happening in a solid ten minutes, from anger to regret and both when debating the lack of reasons behind this unplanned excursion.

"But I wasn't scared at all! I shall take from here now, Mr. Narrator."

And I think I also developed a bipolar sense of things during my ten minutes of madness and despair.

"It wasn't that bad. I mean, we got to be in an epic adventure."

With lots of pain, danger and tsunderes messing every steps and ruining our mood for most of it.

"I can't actually argument that. But I think that you took much of THEIR time describing your grumpy and cynical sense of describing our journey to an old and yet new land."

That whole 'old and yet new land' sounds like cliche but whatever, I'm taking a pause there. Try not to mess with them too much while I'm away.

"Sure thing, boss."

*Door closes*

"Jeez, sometimes I can feel why many called me so many bad names when I hear how I speak. Well, as my depressed self said, our adventure starts when all our hopes were lost."

* * *

"Why God? Why did you leave me?!"

 _Jeez, sure I was truly useless back then. I remember trying everything possible to solve my problems..._

"Phone, don't betray me!" *Low Battery and no connection* "Dangit!"

 _Once all of the easiest solutions, that were supposed to see me return back home safely, exhausted, I started to contemplate how to survive in such hostile habitat._

"As Bear Grylls says, first we need a source of water. And I'm certainly not doing his Plan B."

 _After walking for several hours, I finally found a possible water source and a temporary home in the form of a cave until I was able to return to a village or a town and get out of that green hell._

"Please Jesus, let this cave be empty and void of any possible ferocious animal and serial killers."

 _Slowly I made steps inside the cave and I felt like in one of those fantasy movies._

 _ **Boooooring! Why are you describing those odd and dull details? People would love some actions or they might not like this spin-off.**_

 _Oh, you finished your pause?_

 _ **Yes, now please explain yourself to me. In English.**_

 _*Frown* I will have you know that I'm a very romantic kind of storyteller and I want to give to our dear readers something to-_ _ **As I said 'BOOORING!'. Continue the story.**_

 _*Sigh* Fine! Walking inside the cave I noticed that there were ancient inscriptions on its walls._

 _Some were representing humans, others animals... and dragons?_

"Is this cave the cove of a Lord of the Rings cult or what?"

 _It certainly gave it that kind of vibe and so walking even further in the dark place, I noticed something else._

"Oh.. SHINY, TASTY WATER! FINALLY!"

 _...Yes, any kind of deprivation are cause of those insane behaviors but I can defend myself by saying that I am a respectable citizen of the good, ol' US and A._

 _ **What about me?**_

 _You... You too, I suppose..._

 _ **You were talking about this shiny water. Is that radioactive or what?**_

 _That's... something I don't know and I am sure I will never understand but yes, there is something weird about that water that caused some strange stuff to happen._

 _ **How exactly?**_

 _I..._

"Oh No! Not Again! Goddamit you painful son of a-"

 _I tripped again, this time on some blasted rock and into the small fountain._

"-tch!"

 _Falling again face first to the floor caused my brain to almost shut down completely. My mind was unable to understand why the floor felt different, as if made of wood._

 _Then other details started to add up as I felt a source of heat warming my body and soon I noticed I wasn't alone anymore._

 _My eyes adjusted to the frail light of the candles around the house and I stared at the small group of people around me, their eyes showing surprise and... happiness_

 _The unnerving silence was interrupted by something I was certainly not expecting._

"The Ritual was a success! We got the King that was promised to us, the one that shall head us against the invaders!"

 _The old man that proclaimed this looked incredibly sure of what he had just said and the others started to murmur to each other._

 _As the greatest of the heroes to come, I started my reign with the most logical reaction to this kind of predicaments._

"Now that you are here, Your Majesty, you might- Your Majesty!"

 _Facing the possibility of being in an even more hostile habitat because of weird circumstances, my brain decided to launch the operation 'Tactical Faint'._

* * *

 **AN**

 **The cause of this unexpected 'Crack-fic' might be related to the fact I needed to change a bit my schedule with 'Fate/Player Online' and because I wanted to add a change to my usual fanfics. Until now I've written only serious stories that would need some serious study behind them.**

 **Tales of Two Kings shall be my Wednesday-only updated fanfic that I will use as a relief from all seriousness.**

 **For the haters of my works or those who just mistrust me after so much fail from my part, no I'm not stopping updating Fate/Player Online. About that, I am pleased to announce you all that the Fan Manga development has started and I've seen some good designing.**

 **I hope you all understand that this will not be your usual Fate story as it will lack the general sense of dread and suspence for those familiar to it.**

 **Next time on ToTK: Our unlucky protagonist receive a massive responsibility and... obtain a cool sword?!**


	2. King or Total War Pro Player?

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1** **: To be a King or a general jerk against dumb A.I. soldiers  
**

* * *

 _After an interesting dream about killer robots and femme fatales, I started to wake up, refreshed and all._

 _As my eyes opened the first thing I noticed was the distinct lack of my alarm clock and the comics I keep on the empty side of my bed._

 _My eyes closed as my mind concentrated on the few hours before engaging in a deep nap._

 _The more memories returned the more I felt myself pale._

 _Once again I opened my eyes and started to analyse the room I had just woke up into and I discovered I wasn't in my room at home._

"What."

 _My mind wouldn't compute properly as the predicament was FAR too much impossible._

 _As my brain continued its process to understand how things had turned so horrible, I heard the distinct sound of someone knocking on the other side of the only door of the room._

"C-Come in."

 _As the door opened, the same old man with white beard entered the room. He was dressed in a long grey robe and held a staff in his hands._

 _At first I wanted to comment his Gandalf-like aspect but since I was in an unknown place with god know how many individuals with unknown intentions, I opted to bit my own comment down._

 _He looked hopefully at me as I was somekind of Protagonist in a Fantasy book._

 _A part of me hoped this man wasn't going to use him as Dumbledore used Harry, or 'You have to die to kill the bad guy' kind of old man._

"Your Majesty! You are finally awake. There is no time, please, follow me."

 _Not giving me a chance to formulate any sort of question about my current predicament, I was gestured to follow me._

 _Removing the bed's cover I sighed in relief as I noticed that I still had my clothes on._

 _Once I was out of the room, I started to follow the happy-looking bearded man through the dim halls of the building._

"Your arrival is a sign of change, your Majesty. Finally we shall repell those horrible Germanic invaders from our lands."

"Germanic?"

 _My mind started to connect dots as the man continued to describe those 'invaders'._

 _History was something that had always attracted me in the moments of boredom and now I felt that this particular situation rewarded his attention to the subject._

 _While I wouldn't be able to remember perfectly the dates, I was able to determinate the general period by simple elements._

"Yes, your Majesty. Saxons, Jutes and other thugs had been raiding this region for a long time and our people has been starving for a while. If we don't push them away we will be dying by hunger in mere weeks from now."

 _My deduction at the moment was that I have been thrown in the 5th Century as in this period Germanic tribes had just finished overwhelming the decaying Roman Empire and had created the Barbaric Kingdoms in Europe._

 _Historically, the retreat of the Roman Garrisons had hastened the process of invasion from the various tribes coming from Germany and from Ireland._

 _In the end Britons were defeated as the Anglo-Saxon tribe proceeded to settle itself on the isles and created the English Kingdoms._

 _So not only I was sent in a period were it was perfectly normal to die by your twenties but I have also been placed in the losing side of this situation._

 _As depressing thoughts attempted to cloud my time, I remember that there might be hope for the situation._

"Now that I notice, I have yet to know the name of the city we currently are in, Ser."

"Oh forgive this old mind of mine, your Majesty, I totally forgot. We are currently in the former Roman city of Londinium, once a glorious city of the Empire."

 _That was good. Londinium was one of the strongest cities of the period as it had a modest set of fortifications along its perimeter._

 _As I continued to evaluate the situation in how to deal with this, I was interrupted by few words the old man said while presenting himself._

"Also, your Majesty, I'm Arch-Mage Altuos, chief of Londinium's Magi Guild. I will be your advisors in those few years that will see the beginning of your reign."

 _All process of deep thinking halted to this new information._

 _ **And for a good reason. I mean who would expect to hear about the possibility of magic truly existing?**_

 _Oh. Have you been silently hearing my narration the whole time?_

 _ **Yes. I mean, I might be too bored to do some comments about boring stuff but I have to do something in here and if I have to choose between nothing or your dull narration, I would prefer something.**_

 _I truly don't know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult..._

 _ **Let's return to this new thing. Magic! 'Ye are a wizard, Harry' kind of stuff.**_

 _Yes._

"Wait. Arch-Mage? You mean magic-magic or illusionist kind of stuff?"

 _The look the man gave me reminded me of the look Maths teachers would give me when they gave my always insufficient result in a test._

"Why, your Majesty, I'm one of the most powerful Magi in the island and I am sure not some cheap trickster."

 _As he replied offeded by my ignorance, I witness with incredible surprise as a flying flame appeared in front of me by just a mere movement of Altuos's staff._

 _...That changed a lot of things, I thought as I considered this new element in the whole combat capacity I had just received._

"There's no need to worry to burn yourself, your Majesty. This flame has been conceived to merely warm and not harm."

"But it could be made to harm?" "Yes, your Majesty?"

 _As the old wizard looked at him curious by the question, a man entered the room abruptly._

"Lord Altuos! The Barbarians! They are approaching Londinium!"

"Impossible! Our scouts would have detected them! How much before they reach the city?"

"Seven hours of march. They are about five hundreds men and they are bringing siege constructs."

"Damn them! Your Majesty, we need your orders now. What should we do to save our city?"

 _In that moment, a plan started to form in my brain and the magical fire he had just witnessed was going to be the centre of it._

* * *

 _ **Several hours later as the enemy army approached the fortifications, the simple but brutal plan sprung to action.**_

 _ **As the several men got closer to the walls, several explosions happened in different parts of the small enemy force.**_

 _ **While not enough to destroy the raid group entirely, it was able to halve their numbers.**_

 _ **The leader of the now 250 men ordered the deployment of catapults and ballistas.**_

 _ **As soon as they were set to launch rocks, a series of small flames flew out from the highest part of the walls and into the unaware men that controlled the siege instruments.**_

 _ **The destructive barrage earlier and now the burning of several other mercenaries broke the morale of the remnant group and so many started to flee the hellish battlefield, against their leader's orders.**_

 _ **As just a dozen was left, 100 men left their defensive positions and rounded up the survivors of the effective ruse.**_

 _ **The incredibly high deathcount from the raid force and the lack of deaths to the defending side was another proof of a novelty.**_

 _ **The small loyal group around my candidature as King of all Britons was so cemented by the complete victory.**_

 _ **I may have also scared some subjects with the creepy grin in my face.**_

 _ **I mean, who wouldn't gloat after winning their first battle?**_

 _ **It was like playing for the first time to a Total War game in easy mode.**_

 _...You finished?  
_

 _ **Yes. Thank you for giving me space for the moste glorious battle!  
**_

 _Anyway, the small yet almost bloodless victory sparked the interest of several small villages and towns of the region and I found most of those requesting guidance against other raid groups and pledging their loyalty behind by candidature as King of all Britons._

 _In a single move I had been able to consolidate my position as King in Londinium and expanded my fief in several parts in the region of Kent._

 _Still I knew that battles and other kingdom matters were not going to be as easy as now and that it will take me all of my determination and cunning mind to become the grandest ever._

"Truly a flawless victory, your Majesty. It proves that my guild has succeded on its intent and you are truly the Prophesized King! _Face that, dumb Merlin."_

"What was that?"

"N-Nothing, your Majesty. Also, I forgot in the heat of the moment to ask of your name."

 _A smile painted my visage as I felt something making me proud._

"Joseph. My name is Joseph, Altuos."

"'Joseph' you say, Your Majesty.." _He smiles too._ "A name worth of the greatest King. King Joseph of Britannia!"

* * *

 **AN**

 **God, the last reference to Code Geass was something a bit unconscious... but yes, LONG LIVE THE KING!**

 **Review Q &A!**

 **Amatsumi : Nope, that ain't Merlin but he will be in this story. Beware the first Magus Troll! xD**

* * *

 **Next Episode is: Addressing the Court**


	3. Addressing the Court

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Addressing the Court**

* * *

 _The following morning I woke up with a massive migraine as the previous night finished with celebrations for the victory of that day._

 _Usually opposed to drink alcoholic beverages, I decided to taste how the wine of the period differed from the modern ones._

 _And so I started the new day with an hangover and I found myself thinking of future celebration._

"We.. I need to create Cola or Pepsi. That's going.. to.. be the first thing to bring back.."

 _My head was on fire and as I moved the covers, I was thankful that nobody else was sharing my bed._

 _It would be the best way to finish an early reign for me but for now I found myself intrigued by this immediate jump of career._

 _I mean, who is the dumb person who would refuse the power to bend rules and laws to his own likings?_

 _Several hours passed to mitigate the headaches, I was walking full dressed in the halls where I had followed Altuos the previous morning._

 _Several steps later, I was met with the aforementioned advisor and another man._

 _A closer look determined that the stranger was a bishop as his clothes were white with a small crown-like hat._

"Good Morning, your Majesty."

"Good Moning, Altuos..."

"Oh right. I am Felicianus, Bishop of Londinium. It's good to see you being fine, your Majesty. May God lead your way towards prosperity and peace."

 _The initial greeting that the Bishop that I decided to nickname Felix was incredibly dull to say the least._

 _In this period the Church was still trying to recompose after fragmenting because of the Barbaric invasions of the Roman Empire._  
 _In a certain way I was happy for meeting an important religious figure in this period and not in one of the following centuries._

 _If I played my cards right, I might as well turn the Church towards a more pacific future than the historical one._

 _You would ask 'Why are you not having the inner struggle that any protagonists in your situation would have about changing things in the past?'.._

 _Well, the answer is extremely short: My mere presence has already changed the past and my intervention to prolong the survival of Londinium from the raid of the Germanic tribe has more than already altered the timeline._

 _At this point, if I wanted, I could easily decide to change as much as possible and attempt to create the best of the futures._

"We should proceed to the Throne Room, Your Majesty. It's about time for Court to start."

 _I nodded as I followed the two into a quite big room but not before the weird look the Bishop had shoot at the Arch-Mage._

 _The room was decorated like I had seen in several Art History Books and the golden throne just made me nervous._

 _I was supposed to seat in that extremely decorated and made of gold chair for the rest of my life in this castle..._

 _As I walked forwards toward the throne, I noticed several nobles and soldiers finally noticing me coming and they started to kneel before me._

 _Slowly I finally reached my seat and as I sat on it I realized how much uncomfortable it felt to sit on._

 _As I debated to create a throne made by pillows, Felix decided to start the Court and demanded from the men in the rooms to put themselves on lines._

 _The first one to appear before me kneeled in front of me and muttered a 'Your Majesty' before returning standing._

"I am the Grand Marshal Leonius, your Majesty. And I came here to commend you for your astute plan and your flawless victory against the invaders."

 _I nodded, yet I felt the need to reduce the fanatism rising after the quite small victory._

"While I thank you for your compliments, I've to digress and say that elevating the victory as if one of the greatest would be wrong. We still have a lot of work to do to save our nation from the Germanic Tribes that have settled in our territories and are razing villages without any moral doubt."

 _The man seemed to deflate a bit, so I continued._

"So we need to work together in saving Britain and making this country great again. I hope I will have your unquestionable military mind to help me in this quest, Sir Leonius."

 _Those words seemed to be effective as the armored man once more kneeled but not before puffing his chest in pride._

"Yes, your Majesty!"

 _And so he proceeded to leave the proximity of the throne and this time a small group of five-six people replaced the militaryman._

 _Their overall dressing showed that they were wealthy and as they kneeled I thought I was dealing with influential merchants or local nobles._

"We are the Lords and the Mayors from the villages and towns near Londinium and from the territories near the sea, my Liege, and we are here to pledge our loyalty and our support towards you."

 _One at a time they all started to kneel and proclaim their oaths to me and as they finished I would accept those in the most formal way I knew._

 _As the group feeled content with this, they slowly returned away from the carpet in front of the throne._

 _The following ones were certainly not expected as Altuos and Felicianus stepped forward._

"May I ask what you two wished to ask to your liege?"

 _The question seemed to embarass both of them but slowly Felix took the lead as he started._

"We are here, Your Majesty, to solve one of the unresolved questions in this magnificient city. As you know, our religion consider any sort of sorcery the works of the Devil itself and so we are against sharing the town with well-known sorcery pratictioners."

"I still don't see your point, Bishop Felicianus."

 _Taking a calming intake, the religious figure continued._

"The Church asks your, King Joseph, to hereby banish the Magi Guild from this Christian city and forcibly force them away from the innocents."

 _As he continued his rants, Altuos kept shaking his head disappointed in the Bishop's narrowmindness_

 _I was disappointed myself at the attitude as I decided to try and make the Bishop back down from this demand."_

"Bishop Felicianus, you are asking me to punish a group of people, innocents I add, because our religion doesn't _properly_ describe the way to deal with them."

 _He seemed to flinch at my tone but he kept determinately._

"The way to deal with sorcery pratictioners already exists, your Majesty, it has been proclaimed by the council of-" "So it's not something decided by God, isn't it."

 _My interruption seemed to cause the two of them to stare confused at my question. This behavior urged a sigh to leave my mouth._

"You said that this rule has been decided by one of the several Councils presieded by the Pope but as far as I'm concerned, His holiness should never proclaim such decrees. As I might remind you, the bible itself describe Saint Peter as the Vicary of the Church and not of God in Earth. Trying to use his image to rule the people for personal motivations is to break one of the Ten Commandments. 'Thou shant use the name of God in vain.'"

 _My explanation seemed to be enough to make Felix falter and for Altuos to look surprised by this._

 _It's impressive how much watching a Martin Luther movie can makes several Catholics' points decay on spot._

"That's... That's true. But how are we supposed to deal with this situation, your Majesty?"

 _That question was the one that made me the one confused._

"What do you mean, Bishop Felicianus?"

 _Despite being sure of having already won that debate, I felt like the following sentence would have been enough to make headaches return. And it did so._

"As you are the one that control the local religious holdings, you should be the one to choose the proper behavior to this issue."

 _That.. That opened a lot of opportunities and possibilities in how to deal with the debacle._

 _Thankfully, one in particular struck in my mind._

"I think the Magi Guild has until now proven to be honestly for the betterment of our people and while Christianity doesn't approve of this unusual abilities of theirs, that doesn't mean we should threw those who are actually trying to help us all."

 _The man seemed to think about it but after few silent seconds, he nodded at my logic._

 _Once his request was 'completed', it was the turn of the Arch-Mage._

"Your Majesty, I came here not in the role of your advisor but in the role of leader of the Magi Guild. Our people have started a process of rewrite of several ancient tomes and most of them are as old as the Age of Gods. We have asked help to the Christian monasteries to help us in this massive work but we have so far been rejected because of the possibility of an Age before their Christian God."

"And it isn't possible as our God created the world and everything in it. Your Majesty, this theory is farfetched as it would limit an infinite being as God."

 _That particular request caught my attention. The fact that the existence of Magic is determined by Gods of the old was something myself was curious to learn about._

 _So in a very calm tone, I went to make the Bishop to relent his stance._

"As Arch-Magus Altuos has stated, it is not only a possibility but just a period named so. It doesn't mean that it truly proves the existance of Gods before our Lord. Still the fact that those tomes might contain magecrafts that might help us in the nearest future seems quite a sure thing. While I cannot force you into accepting this matter, I want you to at least give it some thinking, Bishop Felicianus."

 _The religious man looked unsure but in the end nodded at my request._

"I will.. give it some considerations, your Majesty."

 _As the Bishop left the Throne Room, Altuos moved closer to the Throne._

"That was an outstanding way with your words, your Majesty. As the early Court is over, I shall now take the role of Advisor as the day Court is starting."

 _I was still unaware by the impressive struggle that was going to happen and so I merely stared at the door opening as a longer line of people entered the room._

 _By the end of the Day, I knew the major problem when someone become a King. Goddamn Daily Court._

* * *

 **AN**

 **This fanfic is truly refreshing to write. It's certainly a good way to pass a break day and I honestly like the fact that there is not a project behind it.**

 **Matze96 : Thank you for your support!**- _Thank you for your support!_

 **Holix25 : I would like too but boredom has to happen** _-Uwu, it's not that much boring...-_ **Geez!**

 **merendinoemiliano : Thank you, this is the product of boredom**- _and need to make something about the original Fate Waifu!_

 **Next Chapter: Emissary of War**


	4. The Emissary and the Witch

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Emissary of War**

* * *

 _The following weeks saw the immense work to reorganise almost everything inside the Kingdom._

 _I had been quite uncertain to bring extreme changes like introducing large-scale government reforms, as I feared a major backlash to the still powerful nobles._

 _Yet with incredible compromises I was able to create a proper, professional army that wasn't dependant to the lords ruling under me._

 _The first few tests were given quite quickly as the Model Army, loosely named after Cromwell's modern divisions, were able to swiftly put down the various raid groups inside my lands._

 _As the situation in the kingdom was stabilised, I tackled another major threat._

 _While at the moment there weren't enemy in my territories, the coastal zones were incapable of defending against naval invasions._

 _The answer was the formation of the British Coastal Guard._

 _A mix of sailors and soldiers were set to garrison crucial areas that would make for a safe port for the germanic tribes to try and take._

 _Several fortifications were also built to give a major advantage for the defenders._

 _I was disappointed by the lack of cannons in that era but I settled that Ballistas created by Londinium's blacksmiths and enchanted by the Magi Guild would hold well enough with the still weaker tribes of central Europe._

 _Quality and Quantity vs some Germanics._

 _The Church Question still lingered as Bishop Felicianus asked for the possibility to read ancient Christian books._

 _In fact, the results of Altuos' research determined an interesting amount of ancient bibles coming from Rome._

 _Some of those were just fragments but contained several words that were missing or had been replaced with others, sometime the new ones the opposite of the formers._

 _My approval was immediate as I knew that this would certainly speed up the formation of a more tolerant Chrisitanity in Britain._

 _And while things were starting to get upgrade to the best achievable, I received an unexpected guest that broke the normality of the past few days.  
_

 _I was sitting another court session and was hearing bored another petty complaint from one of the weakest nobles about how he wanted to have a bigger house._

 _My psychological pain was also intensified by the content expression in Altuos' face as he merely added just few words before resuming his readings._

 _A part of me seriously contemplated abusing my absolute power to give the King's advisors the objective to deal with at least half of the court requests._

 _While that would have certainly be beneficial (for just me) in the short-run, it would have been nocive in the long-run (for everyone)._

 _As I imagined the amount of paperwork I was going to turn to the Arch-Mage and the pleasure I would have taken in watching him struggle and suffer, my trail of thoughts was interrupted abruptly as the doors of the throne room were pushed open._

 _A single man entered the room and started to advance towards me._

 _He was donning a full black armor and dark clothing as he continued his almost mechanical walk._

 _I genuinely thought the reasons of this visit as I was sure that I had not pissed off a Dark Lord until now._

 _He stopped just few metres before me as he pulled out a message and started to read._

"The True King of Britain, Lord Vortigern, hereby demand your immediate abdication as illegitimate King of those holds and order you to kneel before him. Soon after, you shall be rewarded a swift death for your rebellion against the True Overlord."

 _...That was interesting as I had already foreseen this situation would have happened._

 _But I was certainly not going to relinquish my position as the worst King would rule._

 _Vortigern was the cause of the Germanic Invasion._

 _When he was under duress of treason in his lands, he tried to win the rebellions with by recruiting mercenaries from Germania._

 _The current raze made by those and the lack of hold on their attitude shows how much of a moron was Vortigern._

"As I was chosen to become King of Londinium and of the people that believes in me, I will not surrender. Please, close the door while you leave, can you?"

 _Slowly I began to write a curt but effective reply to the insane lord and as I finished, I gave it to the messenger._

 _Nodding at my choice, the knight proceeded to leave the room, surprised that he had yet to be killed in that now hostile place._

"This is outrageous! Vortigern has lost the divine rights to call himself King after dabbling in foul Sorcery."

 _The Bishop's rant was incredibly agreed by Altuos._

"Vortigern has delved in Dark Magicks and has signed a contract with demons."

 _The comment seemed to suprise even Felicianus as he gasped loudly at the news._

"D-Demons? Has he truly lost his mind? Your Majesty, we need to launch a crusade against this heretic fiend!"

 _Oh, I already planned to do so but the possibility that real demons were under control of the worst king of the country was quite a lot to consider in the long-term planning.  
_

 _As I continued my planning, I barely noticed a figure poking her head slowly for the room to see._

 _This one was a young woman with blonde hair and cerulean eyes, donning a blue dress that showed very little skin._

 _A veil covered most of her face, yet I could perfectly see-_ **her incredibly cool blue orbs!** **  
**

 _Stop it! Anyway she quietly stepped forward, her head pointing at the Arch-mage but her eyes fixed on the floor, as if unable to look at anybody before feeling frail.  
_

"M-Master Altuos, might I enter now?" The girl asked shyly as she fidgeted nervously, playing with her thumbs.

 _Hearing the soft spoken question, I turned and finally noticed the petite woman that was now present in the room._

 _My mind wandered if I had ever seen her before but I was unable to place it and while I wasn't the greatest to remember everyone I met or saw, I counted myself able to remember unique characters such as her._

 _The Arch-Mage almost facepalmed and looked sheepishly for a moment._

"Your Majesty, I may have forgotten to introduce you to my new protege. She has shown incredible potential to become an Arch-Mage but has sadly been exiled by that blasted Merlin."

 _My eyes widened a bit for a moment as I knew the identity of the shy girl in front of him._

"Your Majesty, this is Morgana le Fay and she will possibly be the next lead figure of the Magi Guild and your next advisor in the future."

 _Hearing this the woman bowed slightly, looking incredibly hopeful._

 _As I looked at the scene, I felt an incresingly important question that had been pestering my mind._

 _What should I do with the soon to be the soon to be the greatest Dark Lady of Britain?_

 **Bed her and create an army of Wizard at your command?**

 _God no! Why are you even proposing this plan so early on?_

 **Well, she ain't no ugly thing and she kind of looked at us in a very... _suggestive_ way.**

 _*Groan*_

"I was c-concerned when I heard the city was under siege, M-Master Altuos. I shivers to think where I would be right now if this place had fallen to the barbarians of Germania."

 _The logic part of my mind understood an unexpected change from my own existance and Londinium's survival._

 _I literally avoided the creation of the scariest Dark Lady in Great Britain ever._

 _And now here I was..._

Morgana winked quickly at me as I was looking her way.

 _Dealing with a less dark and more perverted witch._

* * *

 _The Devil King Vortigern tried to obtain control of our grand city by words and force, but everything failed to the grandness of King Joseph the Greatest as he repelled any attacks to Glorious Londinium. Many described quite lenghty and boring discussions between the good king with the bad one, I do prefer the summarised version approved by King Joseph himself!_

 **Vortigern: This is my Clay!  
**

 **Joseph: No, this is mine and you suck!**

 **- _Extract from_ The Official Biography of Joseph of Britannia** by Baldrick the First

* * *

 **Review Q &A**

 **Holix25** **: Thank you! It's the first time I try starting a fanfic with this kind of theme and I'm quite taking a bit of time to see and avoid any errors in the making.**

 **Hydrocell2** **: Well, now there is a Fate Character (an obscure and partly known one, still an important one in this fanfic). Also, Thank You!**

 **Billy Reb** **: Yes, Arturia is in this fanfic. She will be disguised as a male like in Canon but her secret might be found by the sexy-** _Nooo..-_ **Joseph of Britannia!**


	5. How to Ruin a Villain's army in 2 moves!

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: How to Ruin the Villain's army in two moves!**

* * *

 _The weeks that followed the declaration of war were mostly focused on simple preparations needed for an easy win._

 _Vortigern had in his control two main forces: 20000 soldiers recruited by the few vassals still loyal to the mad king and 200 creatures that Altuos had classified as Daemons that were controlled with runes to avoid disertion and rampages on the allied troops._

 _It would have been an extremely painful war to fight but a small project of mine was finally completed._

 _Magic is indeed something fantastic for massive projects regarding infrastructures' expansion and productivity._

 _A month and an half after coming in this dimension and I was promoter of modern services in the Medieval Era._

 _Three hospitals were built, one of them serving as a school for young doctors or, like Magi liked to call the job, healers._

 _Houses were restructured and a new tax system was implemented to better fit with the old society._

 _Communications was a major priority in the first part of the plan as a perfectly functional nation needed to be able to assert orders or hear reports as quickly as possible._

 _Magecraft gave a less modern but still efficient way to destroy this medieval weakness:_

 _Two books can be connected with the use of a special set of runes that allowed the written words to be read in both books, similiarly to a cellphone text message._

 _Yet the wonders don't end there as, like with civilian-related stuff, military weaponry was upgraded and expanded massively._

 **Yes. Following my instructions, blacksmiths experimented with gunpowder and were able to recreate a rudimental cannon for the army.**

 **Runes took the artillery doctrine in a whole, new level as with a special kind of ammunition, magi assigned as field officers were able to have an 'eye in the sky'.**

 **With that kind of advantage, most of the horrible problems that came with the earlier models of howitzers were now solved.**

 **Plus, few days before the start of Operation Deadshot started, a new experiment gave positive results.**

 **Soon the warfare history will be changed by the introduction of the Ta-*Smack!* H-Hey! Why did you do that?!**

 _You were doing some spoilers about future content. As a great troll, I cannot allow you to have you blurt a crucial part of the story I'm trying to tell._

 **...Anyway, as development of conventional weaponry proceeded, a secret project was developed to introduce a dangerous object in the world.**

 **Gas Warfare!**

* * *

Vortigern looked at his vast army with a cynical glance.

Soon this second upstart was going to be executed for his unforgivable sin of trying to take something that wasn't his.

Britain was something Uther Pendragon had promised to him when he was a young vassal and yet here he was trying to deal with this _Joseph_ and the thrice-damned Arthur.

The latter has surprisingly gained a lot of support to back him up in his claim to the throne and the fact that Merlin was one of her loyal supporters was upsetting at least.

The famous wizard was not someone to trifle with and Vortigern was sure that his troops were insufficient to wage war to the more prepared Arthur.

So his eyes turned to the still struggling society of Londinium.

Formerly the capital of the kingdom, Vortigern left the city at the first reports of barbarians approaching.

His original plan was to retake the city once he had amassed enough men but the presence of this new 'King' had foiled his grandiose scheme.

"My Liege!" Vortigern turned to a pale infantryman running toward him.

Once he was in his presence, the officer bowed at him. "Your Highness! T-The Demons!"

Vortigern's eyes widened as his first thought was that the monsters he had summoned had just broke the obedience runes on their bodies.

Yet, this theory died as soon as he noticed that there was no sign of movement from where the company had been set.

A bit calmed, the sense of worry didn't fade with the initial fear.

"S-Sir, poisonous gas. It was everywhere. The demons didn't survive."

...

WHAT!

"WHAT!"

As soon as the word left his mouth, several objects started to rain onto his army.

Explosions started to destroy the meticolously formed lines in mere instants as limbs were thrown everywhere, leaving just pools of blood.

Vortigern stared at the carnage with shock and panic, realising his predicament he did the only thing he had done until now.

His horse turned around and the two fled the battle, leaving the officer to stare in surprise at the Demon King's retreat.

"Yes! That pesky monster was repelled by the warriors of God! A new verse of the Bible shall be written at once describing the denial of the heavens on the heretic fool!"

 _I would notice later that both I and Altuos were staring at the Bishop warily._

 _It seems that bad habits were truly hard to kill._

 _As for the Daemons' downfall, I think Altuos could be considered my inspiration._

 _While those creatures were resilient to conventional and magic-related attacks, Yprite is still something to play with for many sentient being, Daemons included._

 _So as new celebrations were indicted, I decided to retreat in my chambers as I wanted to rest after the relentless work of the previous days._

 _As I moved through the last hall, I started to smell a peculiar perfume filling my senses._

 _My mind panicked for a moment, thinking that an enemy Magus had entered the castle._

 _My doubts were soothed as soon as I stepped slowly in front of my bedroom's door._

 _Two lit candles were placed on the sides of the entrance and I could hear a familiar giggle inside the room._

 _Opening the door, I walked inside with extreme caution, ready to caught the blonde girl that had acted as a secretary for me._

 _Yes, Morgan has been a faithful assistant during the worst of the planning's execution and I was surprised myself at her impressive skills as a manager._

 _Yet the young woman didn't limit the relationship between her and I to a mere working one._

 _Initially, she had just given subtle hint to her attraction but I had been avoiding any direct confrontantion, both to concentrate on the projects and to avoid embarassing situations._

 _Sadly Morgan took my behavior as a challenge and soon her attempts got more and more blatant._

 _I had almost thought she was going to cop a feel with the 'accidental' hug she gave me earlier that day and the partly visible, naughty smile didn't help my mind to find calm in this emotional storm._

 _As I made few step inside the room, I noticed the lack of the enchantress and, as I was about to call her out, a strong gush of wind closed the door making me turn around._

 _Wearing a simple nightwear and lacking her usual veil._

 _A small smile was present in her face, glowing an interesting shade of red._

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Joseph, but I felt unable to sleep alone today. Might I.. sleep _here_?"

 _After knowing each other for so much, formalities were now a thing of the past as we recognized each other as 'equals'._

 _I was unaffected by the display and I inwardly sighed._

 _It was moment like this that he wished that he had more backbone regarding romance._

"Morgan, you know that we cannot do that as-*nightwear drops* ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

 _By this point my mind was already forcing a shutdown of the rational side and enabling my hormones._

 _The same day King Joseph achieved the great victory upon Vortigern's forces, he lost his precious, yet useless V-card._

* * *

 **OMAKE - End of Vortigern**

Broken, in body and soul, the former Demon King drunk the another bottle of Wine as he weeped at the most shameful display he had ever been part of.

His ambition was destroyed in a mere attack and he was now once again left to cry on the remains of the kingdom that was rightfully his.

The vassal that had permitted his stay had behaved strangely around him and giving him some weird glares.

Yet Vortigern was still digesting the latest defeat, unable to cope with the surreal end of his conquests.

As the bottle dropped to the ground, the doors of the small room he had been given were teared apart by a powerful blast.

"Vortigern! Your hour has come!" A strangely feminine voice declared as Arthur Pendragon entered the room, followed by several knights.

Scared by the sudden appearance of someone he was not ready to fight, the former Demon King held his hands high to surrender.

Sadly the adrenaline of the moment and the reputation that preceded the panicked man was sufficient for Arthur to strike him down.

And so Vortigern, once Demon King and forever known as the Coward King, died in a pool of his blood and urine.

* * *

 **AN**

 **It's been a while ever since I updated this and I want to apologise for the unfortunate days spent away from this fanfic. And so I decided to add a quite short but amusing Omake for the next theme of the chapters. Joseph v. Arthur(ia)!**

 **Review Q &A!**

 **Iiznelomviing** **: Yesss, join the weird side of Fanfic-** _We have cookies and T-shirts!_

 **Redyun:** _I've been thinking about it but I had long planned this as a Crack-fic-_ **So battles will be mostly ended with easy and anticlimatic ways. Kinda OPM but less cool.**

 **piddle** **:** _That would be difficult as a regular fanfic-_ **difficult but cool! Still this is a crackfic so it's going to be quite anticlimatic sometimes...**

 **The Big Gey** **:** _That's something that will be implemented-_ **Me like this idea, man!**

 **icapppas** **: Yes, someone recognise a comedy's genius!-** _or a moronic clown :)_

 **Matze96:** **I think the personal *wink*celebration*wink* should be enough to make everyone understand my plans for Morgan :3** _He was quite happy to release a chapter with implied 'actions in the bedroom'._

 **Saberfang Orcalodon** **: Yes, King Joseph will have thr-** _TWO wifes! Stop giving hints, man!_ **Geh, sorry... not sorry! Also Merlin is a dude.**

 **Billy Reb** **:** _Yes, Joseph was the cathalyst of this important change in history._ **And the summarised version of Joseph reply is "Git Gud, M8!" but your version works fine too.**

 **merendinoemiliano** **: Thank You!**

 **Reishin Amara** **:** _Morgan Le Fay is the official Fate version. While DxD look good, I think that I will stick with Fate characters for the fanfic. -_ **Plus you know what they say of the shy ones, hehe!**

 **Warlord of Chaos** **:** _While reading this comment I had an Idea for a Omake at the end of final chapter._ - **I hope you will endure the nightmare fuel till the grand finale, dude!**

 **VGBlackwing** **:** _I don't think it's that bad.._ **\- Maybe we should tell them about the Bonfire of the Vanities kind of thing that happened few days ago-** _...This is why you work better when absent. -_ **Ouch! Mean hit to my nonexistant feelings!**


	6. Camping Mode Enganged!

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Camping Mode Enganged!**

* * *

 **I know, I know. The name of this 'chapter' of my life opened to many scenarios, some epic and some cringeworthy.**

 **Still, I hope you all understand that it's me we are all speaking about.**

 _And we sure can't into sucking... too much. There are some.. embarassing part of our life._

 **But we will jump them to preserve our integrity and your faith in humanity.**

 _Anyway, previously in our story..._

 **Expansion. Overly impressive death tolls on the enemy side. Losing the V-Card.**

 _I actually forgot why we even had that stupid card._

 **Oh. It actually gave some nice reduction to certain restaraunts and bars. You know, microeconomics and stuff.**

 _Please desist from your attempts to resume that already dead corpse._

 **Ok man. Oh, I think we should start with our tale or we might as well turn this in a bipolar debate.**

 _Would be cool but I think rules are quite against that kind of stuff._

 _Now that w- I removed that weight from my chest, let's return to our story._

 _The weeks following Vortigern's demise at the hands of King Arth-_ **Mr. Kill Stealer.**

 _...You are still angry about that?_

 **WE defeated that dumb noob of a Demon Lord and WE should have claimed the kill.**

 _I thought the tale of HOW he died had you calmed down._

 **It did. For a while. I know, I know. I'm a sore winner AND loser but I enjoy the self-esteem in doing this kind of stuff.**

 _..Anyway, the few weeks after Vortigern's death were dominated by policies to integrate the new territories in our demesme._

 _It was more difficult than before as the Coward King had rallied about a third of the whole English region, the other two parts being mine and Arthur's._

 _During those day filled by nerve-wrecking paperwork and extremely pleasant nights, I noticed a major issue in the ongoing conflict for the stability of England._

 _Opposite to Vortigern, King Arthur had an absurd fanatical support behind his claim._

 _Questions were asked to Altuos and the answers were far from acceptable._

"King Arthur is the rightful son of Uther Pendragon. He has been an apprentice under Merlin and has been chosen by the legendary sword Caliburn."

 _Curiously enough Morgan giggled at this information._

"I-I think you should update your news, Archmage. My _brother_ Arthur has lost _his_ sword during an excursion few years ago."

 _At this point, I felt confused. I could remember that Excalibur had not been the first sword to Arthur but the 'why' the sword went missing was kind of a very shady moment in history._

 _Also at the time I thought that the reasons behind Morgan's forced words about her brother was that she was not yet detached from the 'disgruntlement' she felt toward Arthur, so I decided to not expand my interrogation towards that._

"How did he exactly lost a sword that much important? I thought he was called the greatest knight?"

 _My question surprisingly brought more giggles to leave my lover's mouth._

 **Wait for it.**

"Well, you see, my dear..."

 **Wait for it!**

".. _Arthur_ was walking in a very rocky path, when _he_ **tripped** over a particularly big rock and fell on the ground. Few moments before falling, _he_ had heard something near the lake s- _He_ was using to bathe and so Caliburn ended up launched over the lake."

 _..._

 **...**

 _Pffft-_ **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HE'S THE GREATEST KNIGHT BUT FAILED TO PRESERVE THE INTEGRITY OF THE SWORD THAT MADE HIM KING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

 _The effort spent to not outright laught at this embarassing moment for King Arthur was made even more difficult by the fact that Morgan's giggles intensified and that Altuos, the old and wise Archmage, had to turn away from the two of us to crack a smile at this._

 _While the attempt to fish for more information had not been much, the embarassing story was enough to make it worthwhile._

 _It was just two days later that someone unique joined the weird life of mine._

 _I was once again face deep in the paper with an enormous quantity of words, all written by the newly produced writing machine that was created via Magecraft, that a small entourage of foreigners entered the throne room._

 _Surprisingly enough, the group was spearheaded by the Bishop that in that moment looked quite happy._

"Your Majesty! I bring you grand news!"

 _He moved away as to show the woman leading the group of religious people._

 _Shocked by the.. skin showed by the small, white clothes donned by this woman I was about to ask who they were._

 _Yet as soon as my eyes turned to her face, I froze in good surprise._

 _Red eyes. White hair._

 **Welp, this has surprisingly turned into an anime... Still I kind of find appealing the Harem route.**

 _The woman looked relieved after being escorted inside the room and the smile plastered in her face showed it to everyone._

 _She bowed with such grace that she would have passed as a princess from a dream._

"Greetings King Joseph. My name is Myasviel and I am a noble knight from one of the last cities in Germania that believes in Jesus Christus, Einzbern."

 _I looked like a moron, yet I was able to force out the important question._

"I- eh- May I ask of the reasons from your presence there, Lady Myasviel."

Her small smile seemed to widen a little more.

"Your Majesty, this small entourage had tried to seek asylum in many stronghold of the Christian faith, yet none of those had been available to let us stay. Yet, even in front of possible faithful, I continued to pray and so here we are, King Joseph. Could you let us have asylum in those walls defended by our Lord?"

 _In that moment, I was somehow bewitched by the beauty of this germanic lady and I was about to reply mindlessly with a kind acceptance._

 _Yet I perceived a change in the Force and as I looked on my side, I saw a positively angry Morgan._

 _My lover was staring unblinking at this woman, this... what she defined Myasviel?_

 **There are many names actually: scarlet woman, german spy, rival in love, bi-**

 _Yes, rival in love. Please man, refrain from using swears._

 **We are in a place and time that has similiarities with Game of Thrones and you try so hard your mouth clean? What is wrong with you?**

 _..._

 _As I was saying, the conflict that would rise between the two was plainly evident and I was now considering rejecting the offer._

 _It wouldn't have been a good choice for me as it would have painted a big target on my back for the Church to use to obliterate my position._

 _So, sighing and preparing myself for the worst of the spats, I accepted the request._

 _Yet in few months, I would have found myself much more different predicament than I thought possible._

 **But that's a story for next week :)**

* * *

 **AN**

 **Dun, Duun, DUUUUUUNNN!**

 **A NEW CONTENDER ENTERED THE BATTLE!**

 **Myasviel is not to be called von Einzbern for two major reasons: 1) In this period very few people got their own surnames and most of those were nobles, 2) The 'von' part of a surname was initially used to define a man/woman of noble lineage. It will be many centuries later that even not-noble but rich individuals would have called with 'Von'. Plus a correction of this term is 'from', example is Ezio Auditore da Firenze (AC reference!).**

 **About Harem Route: While some might be skeptical about this possibility in the period and under the Church's rigid eyes, it wouldn't be that difficult to make it real. Just bear with me long enough to see my plan to realize.**

 **Lastly, happy July 4th for every American readers! I hope this year there will be less people going to the hospital because of fireworks-related wounds.**

 **P.S. After a certain point, I decided to reply the reviews as the Author. It was something out of tiredness than anything else. (Example: _The Sky is blue and the Sun is blinding as_ _heck!_ )**

 **Review Q &A!**

 **Saberfang Orcalodon :** **Don't worry man-** We are made of hard stuff.

 **Dovahzul** **: Gassing my way downtown.. Thank God we are way earlier than the holocaust.** \- _Why?_ **We can say some *wink*political incorrect*wink* jokes.** _-I think it serves like a counterbalance as most of our repertoir is made of politick's jokes_ \- **So true... Also, I wanted to name the child Luke and then pull later in his life the '** _ **Luke, I'm your dada'**_ **but Mister Strict refused any involvement but to stop my attempts-** _Damn right my baby ain't gonna be called Luke.._

 **The Big Gey** **: I know right? *Punches Church's wall with Hamon-powered fist*** _What are you doing?_ **Noth-** * **Big Stone Cross falls on Bold Guy's body, crushing him*** _*Tears form in other self* BOOOOOLLDD GUYYYYY!_

 **Billy Reb** **: Thank you! and yes, there will be war and loves in the fight between Arthur(ia) and Joseph, but you know what they said** \- _Love always wins?_ **\- No, girls love true machos.** \- _I hate myself..._ **About that weird man, he will be a lot annoying in the future** \- _Not in the bad way but.-_ **Annoying as hell.**

 **RedDragonRevan** **: Yes, they will fight but it will be-** _awkward and led by luck or epic and immemorable?-_ **...Yes. Also yes, Joseph will get a nice long shaft. Not** _ **that**_ **kind of shaft, dirty pervs!**

 **I3loodKnight** **: We will be there every Wednesday, the other days being reserved to my main fanfic** **Fate: Player Online** **! Give it a look while leaving the site-** _Dude, you a sellout?-_ **Boy, I'm gonna kick yo ass! (Very watered up reference, can you all guess it?)**

 **Fenrir-kun** **:** _Sadly enough, Mordred will be conceived via non-incest and Merlin will have an hard time screwing with Joseph_ **. -Not that way, you dirty pervs!**

 **GuestJuly1(Chapter5)** **:** _ **I planned a Finale for this fanfic about that, but I think I got the perfect NP for Joseph.**_

 **Khan2000** **:** _ **Thank you!**_

 **GuestJuly2(Chapter5)** **:** _ **Yeah but those characters have OP NPs. I mean, I'm stuck fighting Gawain for the second time in Camelot Scenario of FGO. Literally impossible for a F2P gamer like me...**_

 **VGBlackwing** **:** _ **Morgan is not going to pursue any vendetta against her sister but she is going to be quite uncaring towards her. I mean, a bit of jealousy is normal and Arthuria banished her from her court. Mordred will be Joseph's but with a cute twist to keep her adorable behavior. No, I don't plan for Saber of Red to become OC in this Fanfic.**_


	7. The Wedding

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: The Wedding**

* * *

 _Now, Now. I know that Polygamy is not something 'common' in this period..._

 **More like a good reason to pike your head for blasphemy. But we did it anyway giving a giant finger to the Church's orthodoxy.**

 _She was... amazing. Morgan herself felt somehow intrigued at the unusual relationship between the three of us._

 **Wait! We forgot the context here. Surprisingly enough the small cold war between Londinium and Camelot survived for more than few months as predicted.**

 **My dear 'brother', while a knight, was rarely brash against a foe with matching power and strenghts.**

 **...Honey is that you?**

 **Yes dear husband and I think you know by now why am I interrupting your retelling.**

 ***Sigh* Mordred?**

 **Mordred.**

 **Fine. Going to solve her mess but you have to continue my story. I own it to my dear readers.**

 **You still have to explain to me who those individuals are. You just called them your 'fans' or some gibberish like that.**

 _Oh! Can I join this activity too?_

 _Well, it's not like I can actually split my personality so... okay._

 _Yay! Hello 'Readers', my name is Myasviel and I shall replace my dear husband in this task of storytelling._

 _...Love, they already heard of you._

 _*blink* Really? *smiles* Then it will be like usual storytelling with our dear children._

 **Just less fantasy-like and more realistic.**

 _Understood, Morgan! Let us start this peculiar activity now!_

 **Now, if I remember correctly, the story should resume few weeks after your arrival to Londinium's court.**

 _The first few days spent to socialise were indeed relaxing, dear Morgan. So many people wanted to meet with me and I felt very happy by their cheerfulness._

 ***Stares at revealing clothes* For no reason...**

 _Why no. It was because I was the first German-born woman in the city that wasn't a pagan barbarian._

 **Anyway. I remember those days because of our little 'skirmish'.**

 _Skirmish? Ah! You meant the small competition between the two of us. *Smiles* Uh? Fair Morgan, why is your nose bleeding?_

 ***turns around, covering her face* 'So precious-!' I mean it was just a small, innocent occurency, Mya. Nothing to worry about.**

 _*stares a bit longer but return her attention back to the story* Our competition was the most fun I've ever had in my entire life.. well, except our nightly act-_ **No! No. We don't speak of this stuff in public, Mya.**

 _*bows her head in shame* Forgive me, Dear Morgan, I shall remember this limitation from now on._

 ***Sigh* Our 'competition' surprisingly enough ended with an understanding between the two.**

 _Joseph loved us equally and didn't play favourites, so we would have avoided any conflict with each other._

 **Things started to get more interesting as we got new positions.**

 _Yes, I loved when Joseph asked me to teach Religion at the Royal Elementary School. The children were so much easy to impress and I would melt by seeing their cute smiles._

 **Still we risked a lot by asking that Bishop, Felicianus.**

 _Why so? Felix is a good friend of mine and would never refuse a proposition supported by me._

 **You know, remembering our wedding is how I continue to work in stressful days.**

 _Yes. I could remember the massive crowd at our reception. So many people to see our happiest day._

 **And Joseph almost fainted at seeing us in our dresses.**

 _I still think he was more enticed by mine than yours._

 **Dream it, Myasviel.**

 _I think we should have brought Tory in our telltalling._

 ***Frowns* Why?**

 _She has yet to explain why didn't she accept our marriage invitation!_

* * *

 _Camelot, few days before the Wedding._

Artoria sighed as the usual line of peasants entered the throne room.

When Merlin had told her about the hardships of being a King she had barely considered the 'paperwork' and other non-military subjects, thinking more of the battles to assert her dominance on England.

A pikeman entered the room in an hurry. "Your Majesty! A letter from the King Joseph."

Tired because of the endless mass of people surging that day for requests, Artoria merely took the letter in her hands and started to read it silently.

On her side, her _wife_ Guinevere peeked behind quietly and started to read the text herself.

With a squeal, the Queen looked ecstatic. "My King, we should truly go there. I heard that there is going to be a dance after the cerimony."

Artoria continued to stay silent as she didn't have the strength to refuse her _wife_ nor accept this insulting invitation.

Joseph was her enemy, a fellow contender to the throne of England, and thus wasn't to be trusted.

What had caused her to consider him a foe stronger than Vortigern was the lack of the usual hostility Merlin had towards pretender.

The Mage had seemed quite neutral about this new opponent and he had actually showed interest in this new candidate to the throne.

"I think I will go there. _Research_ , that is.." Speak of the devil and Merlin will appear.

The mage seemed giddy at the prospective of crashing the marriage's party.

"No." The King of Knights declared. "We will not accept this humiliation. Especially one manifactured by my sister."

"I don't think it's going to be your sister to marry... only." Guinevere added as she finally finished the document.

The comment took Artoria by surprise. "What do you mean, Guinevere?"

The queen didn't answer as she merely pointed another name between Joseph's and Morgan's.

"P-Poligamy?" The King looked positively stunned and took a step back from the letter.

Shaking her heads, she snorted. "That's another reason to NOT partake in this.. heresy!"

She turned once more to her most trusted advisor. "So we will not gooooo- and he is not here anymore..."

* * *

 **Nah, I think Merlin's ass being kicked by Archmage Altuos was the best scene ever! While he's the greatest Mage in Europe, Merlin isn't that good in being subtle. His pervy self was enough to alert Altuos of his presence and BAM! Merlin was sent flying with his annoying little pet.**

 _But Fou was so cute.._

 **But not as cute as you, Mya.**

 _*Giggle*_

 _And we are-_ **back!**

 **How did it go, dear?**

 **Mordred was at it again to prove herself as my favourite in front of the other children. Let's just say it didn't work well for her.**

 _I hope our daughter didn't partake in anything against Red._

 _Just Lucius, but he backed down once I entered the room._

 **Did the storytelling go well?**

 **We mused a bit about simple things, but I think we were able to be decent in telling our tale.**

 _The tale of our big family!_

* * *

 **AN**

 **Lots and lots of news!**

 **As I didn't predict, I got a smartass teacher at the last exam that failed me because he decided to ask a question out of the Public Rights' programme. I will remember this day as a sore spot in my life as I had studied so hard to pass and got screwed by that smug moron.**

 **Anyway today is Friday 13th and my prevision to end Arc2 of** **Fate Player Online** **by now has kind of failed by a small margin. I plan to finish the Arc before this Monday (maximum Thursday) and so I can focus on my other projects.**

 **Tales of Two Kings** **will last four more chapters (five if I am able to extend the final Omake to a fullfledged chapter) and then I will focus in other stories.**

 **I think I will stick with F/SN category and I've a title ready:**

 **Voyage in the Unknown**

 **Universe : F/KLPI **

**Timeline : Pre-Canon**

 **Summary : Being a simple guide Alexander expected a simple life ahead of him yet when he was assigned to a long-term job for an odd couple, he discover that not everything he knews about the World is always true or complete. In the world of mystery and of the unknown, who the heck are Kiritsugu Emiya and Irisviel von Einzbern?**

 **Review Q &A!**

 **RedDragonRevan** **: Harem!**

 **BlueXtreme** **: Yeah, Mo-chan will be still the attention-seeking brat but she will grown into a fine swordswoman. Also thank you for the advice in how to fight Gawain but thankfully I was able to blitz him by having a frontline made by EMIYA, Gil-kun and Gilgamesh + instant heal and dodge from Chaldea Mystic Code.**

 **Saberfang Orcalodon** **: Sorry for the longevity of some chapters but I would screw up easily if I added more words. More isn't equal to better. Still thank you for your support!**

 **Warlord of Chaos :** **I don't know. I think I will finish the story with Artoria joining the Harem but I might add some snippets of the future in this timeline.**

 **Amatsumi** **: Yet Joseph has not seen anyone with similar characteristics. Londinium's people look like normal folks and it's quite rare for Magi to interact with humans with the Church's paranoia.**

 **fafnir1404** **: Joseph doesn't know about Fate franchise, yes.**

 **Fenrir-kun** **: Mordred wished to become a King, not a queen. Also yes, quite attached to her** _ **father**_ **but tsundere enough to not show it publicly. Servant Joseph will be OP as hell.**

 **Phantom** **: Imagine if one of the Artorias actually remember him (like Alter or Lily) but Canon!Joseph isn't from their timeline? ULTIMATE BLONDE WORKS!**

 **SMV Aria2** **: Thankfully RP, even through I'm surprised my mind is still whole after so much mental punishment I had been dealt with in daily occasions. xD**

 **Guest(Chapter6)** **: Yes, Joseph becomes part Deadpool-** _ **DID SOMEONE SAY*SBAM*!**_ **\- Not today, Wade. Not today.**

 **Guest(Chapter5)** **: No, Gawain and others are not Arthurs in the Celtic Mythology but his nephews.**

 **PasiveNox** **: I think Confucius is in China and not in England. Still thank you! XD**

 **Iiznelomviing** **: It's actually a simple illusion (the shortening of chapters). Sometimes I write much in replying your reviews and so it seems like I wrote less than usual. I took the comments part from chapters to see if I actually shortened any chapter and I discovered it was a fake news. Also voices make up the core of the story, changing up the system could easily ruin the whole fanfic so no, sorry.**

 **tanithlipsky** **: Thank you!**

 **Guest(Chapter6)** **: "It will be as glorious as hunting a whale with a Rapier!"**


	8. A Sword for the King

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: A Sword for the King**

* * *

 _I'm still trying to make heads of the whole chaos that ensued in the months after our wedding._

 **Uhhmmm.. you mean the sex, right?**

 _No! Why are you always going for that innuendo? It's annoying as hell!_

 **Well, maybe if someone started to specify what are they talking about** _ **maybe**_ **I would be able to not think at the Best kind of chaos.**

 _I meant the sword._

 **Oh, YES! FINALLY SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE, BRO!**

 _Don't 'bro' me, you dolt. Do you want to narrate this part of our life?_

 **Sure man! Hope everyone is sitting tight, 'cause this is going to be an helluva ride!**

 **It was during the days of the grand rewards of the wedding that I started to think more about my personal objectives as King:**

 **-Get a beautiful wife;**

 **-Get a badass sword;**

 **-Don't get assassinated by our subjects;**

 **I had already double-checked the first mission as I ended up with two of the finest women I had ever seen.**

 **While the last was going to take a long time to fulfill, I discovered the difficulties of trying to get an awesome sword for me.**

 **And by awesome I meant a 'Excalibur'-ish sword.**

 **One so cool that no one would have been able to actually challenge my righteous legitimacy in a swordfight. Because I'm a cool King.**

 **The process started just few weeks after the start of my rule as I doubted that anyone would have preferred to sit through my enlightened self.**

 **Yet it seemed that other than landing a powerful seat of absolute rule I had been able to gain two gorgeous ladies.**

 **Also it started to get important to get something to defend myself as Mya had been quite** _ **quirky**_ **in showing her worry towards me.**

 **I still cry at the thoughts of going through the hellish sessions of** _ **training**_ **she gave me.**

 **Who would have thought that she was merciless even out of the bedroom..**

 **Both regular and enchanted ones failed in their attempts to endear my awesome self and after almost few years of disappointing choices, I finally found what I searched for!**

 **Some men knows that while using all the free time available in the presence of my perfect wives was what the truest gentlemen do, I wasn't dull enough to bore my dearest wives with too much affection.**

 **So I decided to pick a simple hobby of mine. Running alone in the lands near the Capital of my reign.**

 **It was during one of those jogging session that, while trying to pause and avoid losing the breakfast I had consumed earlier that morning, I started to sip the water of the near lake or river (still couldn't remember exactly).**

 **Soon I noticed that an arm with hand that was extending vertically quite near me, holding a simple sword and scabbard.**

 **I stared at it in silence, frowning as I recognized who was that.**

"I'm not interested."

 **The hand then proceeded to push itself even more up, gesturing for me to take the blade.**

"As I said, I'm not interested, lady."

 **At first I thought that the quite insistent Lady of the Lake as her arm retracted back in the water and as I tried to drink more of the sweet water, I saw the hand emerging once more with another blade.**

 **This one was curved and seemed one of those used by arabs in this period.**

"No. I said 'No'."

 **Once more the Lady put the blade back in her deposit(?) and returned with a white rapier with several parts colored with several colors of the rainbow.**

"Are you deaf? No, Nein, Nada, Nyet!"

 **This time the hand retracted quickly and as I looked away half-expecting the Lady trying to 'gift' me another blade, I was surprised as a strange sword was thrown without hesitation to my gorgeous self.**

 **Moaning in pain, I had the time to flip the bird at the waving hand as it disappeared for the last time in the lake.**

 **As the pain settled in I decided to study the weird..** _ **object**_ **, described as such as it barely resembled a sword.**

 **The handle looked like gold to me as I tested it by grasping it, as I moved to where the 'cutting' part was, I stared concused at the weird three cylinders that made up the shaft.**

 **I saw several precise cuts onto those and thought it was maybe a cerimonial sword or something like that.**

 **Half an hour later I managed to return to the castle and I was shocked to see how my dear wife Morgan failed to understand the weird sword.**

 **Her first attempt at taking it ended up with an electric punishment.**

 **Several other experiments ended up with intriguing failures as Morgan's mood soured quite rapidly.**

 **Thankfully one of those, an harmless long-distance one, ended up with results.**

 **A name appeared on the paper in front of me and, as I looked curiously at the still blade, I couldn't but muse loudly.**

"Aren't you a naughty blade.."

 **Surprisingly some red electricity moved through the stone-like part of the sword as it was being addressed by me.**

"Ea?"

* * *

 **AN**

 **Another chapter of the glorious king Joseph!**

 **From tomorrow I shall write the last chapters and those will be updated daily.**

 **As I looked through some curious projects of mine that I plan to write as fanfics, I found another story that might be will be replacing this fanfic.**

 **Differently from** **Voyage in the Unknown** **, this one will be published on Wednesdays only.**

 **Zero Percent to Heaven**

 **Universe : Fate/Zero**

 **Timeline : Partly Rule63verse**

 **Summary : That moron of Ryuunosuke Uryuu managed to mess up the summoning circle in his insane planning and ended up summoning Caster and her adeguate Master at the cost of the murderer's life. Danny was a simple Type-Moon nerd with no friends that spent his days playing FGO and as he's summoned in the Fourth Grail War he notice that he might not be in the same universe as the Anime and that the possibilities to leave Fuyuki untouched might be close to zero. Wait, Kiritsugu and Kirei are women? And is that Illya sleeping in Irisviel's arms? Warning: Caster's identity is still a **_**se-cret!**_

 **Review Q &A!**

 **RedDragonRevan** **: He did.**

 **BlueXtreme** **: Child!Mordred will make a short appearance in the end.**

 **PasiveNox** **: Thank you!**

 **tanithlipsky** **: Thank you!**

 **Guest(Chapter 7)** **: I know but I am far too busy with other projects and I might end up having trouble to get it going for too long.**

 **Fenrir-kun** **: I think you are forgetting that the worst will be tanked by Joseph himself..**

 **Phantom** **:**  
 **Mordred: Uncle Arthur!**  
 **Artoria: *glare at her step-daughter***

 **GuestN2(Chapter7)** **: "Arthur disappeared from the battle of the century but before leaving decided to reward the true victor with the hand of his secret twin sister, Artoria."**

 **Giuseppe** **: I gave up reading the review after just few words as I am a newbie in Spanish, especially since I did barely an year at Lyceum.**

 **Billy Reb** **: It will happen in next chapter so.. bear with the short time left before the next update.**

 **Guest(chapter 1)** **: Thank you!**

 **merendinoemiliano** **: Thank you!**


	9. Battle of the Two Kings!

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: Battle of the Two Kings!**

* * *

 _It was around an year after the marriage that the stalemate between Camelot and Londinium finally showed sign of a thaw._

 _Several border conflicts started to ensue and a bit more than half ended up in minor victories to our troops._

 **While Camelot had some of the finest knights in this period, those were useless if overwhelmed by the enemy and targeted by the howitzers.**

 **It was just a month before the end of the conflict that a new mean to fend off from the unexpected assaults that Londinium's army gained the upper hand.**

 _While we still faced some problems in the 'discovery' of a prototype tank, the combined efforts of scientists and Magi resulted in the creation of the Airplane._

 _It didn't start with the two/three pair of wings as Magecraft was able to reinforce and enchant the body of the plane enough to make it on par with a German Me109._

 **Sadly earlier models lacked equipment to truly fight and the initial role of the flying death was to scout the area of several important points in the border.**

 **The presence of recons and the 'Magic Radio' giving immediate orders to the detachments in the area created the scenario that Defensive Generals saw only in their wet dreams.**

 _A true reaction from Camelot came as some planes were finally given the role of Bombers._

 **I almost laughed as Mya wanted to name the dropper of small, explosive deaths 'Ilya'.**

 **Even through it's been two years away from modern civilization, I could still remember the infamous bomber from Battlefield 1.**

 _We both loved AND hated that flying ripper. Love because of how much easy was to destroy enemies and level up, hatred because of how much difficult it was to shot down as defender._

 **Salt was and is a mutual feeling, bro.**

 _..._

 _*Shake heads in annoyance* We were talking about the..._ _end_ _._

 **Yes! A challenge was finally thrown by the coward King of Camelot and I was expecting a legendary battle!-**

* * *

I jumped off from the saddle of my ride as I locked my eyes onto the advancing figure that was King Arthur.

Our massive armies waiting silently as we, the great leaders, prepared for the last match. The Climax of this War!

"You should have surrendered when you could, Joseph. Now you shall be defeated by the might of the Sword of Victory."

I snorted at the proclamation. "Sword of Victory?" I asked quite lightly, removing Ea from its holster. "The only thing I see is a feminine boy toying up with a paper sword."

A snarl came from Arthur's behind as a blond knight was barely held back by other fellow knights.

A curious thought came in my mind as I tried to recognise whom will cause the downfall of the Round Table with the Queen.

"Excalibur is the strongest sword! The Sword of the true King, the Sword of every men's will!"

I frowned quite lazily as he ranted about his 'sword' as if the reason of this competition.

"Well! My sword is longer than yours!"

He seemed about to reply with a negation, yet the weight and the innuendo behind my words settled in his mind as he blushed and looked away for a moment.

...I feel concerned at my sexuality as I couldn't but notice how much cute he seemed in that moment and how I got a why boner. **With a Vengeance!**

"H-How dare you! This will be a duel for the survival of our Kingdoms and you just joke about indecent things."

I felt offended at that, since I just finished the joke.

"Excuse you?! I wasn't the one flaunting the qualities of my own 'shaft' in public. You should be the one to apologise."

In that moment as a red-faced Arthur launched himself with a battlecry towards me, I felt that I had indeed went over my boundaries.

Excalibur met Ea, the Sword of Victory meeting its match against the Sword of the End.

Switching my usually goofy self into my battlehard mode I started to counter any attempts to land an hit to my feeble body and managed to get some strikes on the surprised fellow King.

As the battle intensified cuts started to appear on both the bodies of Arthur and I.

Fifteen minutes of neverending fighting had started to decrease our own perception of reality as what it mattered was winning and not losing.

With an angry grunt, Arthur pulled back from the close exchange of attacks and Excalibur started to glow and- OH MY GOD, IS IT GOING TO THROW A KAMEHAMEHA AT ME!

Panicking at the sight of a clear charge for energy before a massive blast release, I took close Ea and started to think about the need of defending both me and the people behind me.

The blade seemed to recognise my request and red energy hummed warmly in the cylinders as those started to rotate quite rapidly.

" **The rule of a King, The design of a tactician, the begging of a subject...** "

"EX-!"

" **Protect the High Kingdom!** "

" **CALIBAAHHHR!" "ENUMA ELISH!"**

As the powerful beam of light approached my body as a red one-sided barrier formed in front of me and my army.

Differently from any shield, the barrier was created to use a special natural ability of glass.

The blast finally met the defense erected by Ea and, shocking the hell out of Arthur, its strength was divided and deviated in many directions.

While I trusted the blade in tanking the whole blast, I preferred not to test this in this predicament.

As the blast finally finished, Arthur looked quite shocked how her attack had failed.

"My turn." My voice crackled with power as Ea now wanted to retaliate to the one who dared to taunt it by denigrating its true rank as the best sword.

" **Show your might, destroy our foes, enjoy the feast in front of you..** "

Arthur's eyes widened as he understood that a counterattack was going to hit him and his knights quite soon.

" **Create a New World, ENUMA ELISH!** "

The cylinders pointed straight to the panicking King of Knights as a tornado of destruction left the mighty first blade and with swift execution hit its target.

I knew that the battle was over as I had asked Morgan if her brother had any possible defence to hold back a powerful attack and she replied negatively.

As the dust settled, I could surprisingly see the form of Arthur in front of his luckily alive army.

His clothes were mostly damaged but the destruction started from the centre and finished on the lower part of her armor.

 _He_ looked quite satisfied as _his_ scabbard, Avalon, had managed to tank the blast without any sign of damage.

As I continued to stare down the King of Knights, I started to realize what was that cryptic and joking tone in Morgan's tone when I asked about _Arthur_.

"You." She snapped her head at me fully attentive. "You are a... girl?"

She looked ready to deny this _slander_ but she was silenced as a quick Merlin covered her _legs_ with some cloth.

Artoria looked down and saw, her face threatening to turn into a tomato, the proof of her true self free from any restriction.

I glanced to her army and was surprised to see a quite peculiar amount of dust covering the sight between the fighters and the armies, mine too as I glanced behind and seeing the same situation.

But now I was happy with this discovery.

The why boner was a right boner afterall!

* * *

 **AN**

 **Not** **the** **Legendary battle everyone deserved and asked but in the end got nonetheless!**

 **Next chapter will contain last session of the story AND four Omakes about F/Z with Saber!Joseph!**

 **Review Q &A!**

 **BlueXtreme** **: Most of the time Virility vs Virility, in this case it was more like True Virility vs Fake Virility.**

 **Azrael-Von-Gruber** **: Or is it the opposite? "That sword is min-GAHHH!" *Get Enuma Elish'd!***

 **Matze96** **: Thank You!**

 **nightnightsky** **: As I was writing the scene I pictured the Lady of the Lake like one of those old women trying to sold objects in their garage and just lose their mind as nobody wants to buy anything and starts to throw shit at everyone near them.**

 **captain Orion Zete** **: I don't think that this site is ready for my full Crack-side.**

 **RedDragonRevan** **: Yup, that's what happened.**

 **Saberfang Orcalodon** **: Artoria is already canon in the harem, Mordred... cannot be. Since you know... she is one year old and Joseph's and Morgan's child.**

 **Angeles22** **: If the world was ruled by irrationality I might have given him the Sword of Olympus from GoD2/3. But since we stand by the Moonlit World canonverse (or something close to it), Ea is the best possible for an OP king.**

 **Fenrir-kun** **: I advise you to read more about Fate Lore as there is much difference from normal Mythology. Agravain is not Arthur's son, nor Joseph.**

 **Guest (Chapter 8)** **: When a saleswoman can't take a no as an answer. Also the swords were... the first was Gaius Julius Caesar's, then Saladin's and lastly Altria/Attila's.**

 **Phantom** **: The omakes will be happening in Fate/Zero Timeline xD**

 **piddle** **: Yep, it's going to be a shock to the King of Heroes.**

 **merendinoemiliano** **: Thank you!**

 **PasiveNox** **: The other swords are Caesar's, Saladin's and Altria's/Attila's.**


	10. A Kingdom's Infinity and the Fourth HGW

**DISCLAIMER**

 **The following is a fan-based**

 **FICTION**

 **F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.**

 **Please support the official release.**

* * *

 **Chapter 9: A Kingdom's Infinity + A new challenge!**

* * *

 **I admit that after the battle stuff got a lot duller than usual.**

 _If you mean that we weren't anymore in situations that poised a major risk to our legitimacy in our Kingdom, yes everything else after the war with Arthu-Artoria our expansion was unmatched._

 **Yet I still shiver when I think about that woman-like knight under Charle Magne, what was he-His name?**

 _Astolfo. The legendary Hero that lost his reason and was one of the main knights of Charle Magne._

 **Yeah that. He had that badass big bird as a ride and I felt sorry when I ordered the RAF to shot it down.**

 _A Griffin is not something to joke around, especially one as trained as Astolfo's._

 **Thank God that trap surrendered peacefully. I don't think I would have enjoyed fighting that gi-MAN and having doubts about my sexuality.**

 _In the end we managed to beat everyone, all Heroes, Kings and Generals in Europe, Asia and Americas._

 **It was a suprise when we all noticed the 'immortality' bestowed by Ea to our family. Convenient, ain't it?**

 _That's for sure. If we hadn't been there to help poor Mordred's rebellious behavior in her teenage years it would have ruined what stability we were able to achieve in a matter of decades._

 **That and the equally brash attitude of Joshua. That kid took most of his hothead from Artoria.**

 _Yes. Yet Joshua Pendragon is barely calm nowadays, especially with our dear grandchildren._

 **Poor lad. Still better than Lillyasviel's descendents. Was quite difficult to avoid that blasted Grail War to happen.**

 _We were so shocked when we discovered that. Lillya's children were usually smart enough to not dabble in that kind of idiocy._

 **Still I wonder how things would have worked out if that weird stuff would have happened.**

 _The opportunity for someone that wished to destroy the worldwide unity by winning a stupid, enchanted cup._

 **Yeah. Kind of dumb now that I think about it... Was that portal there when we entered the balcony?**

"Uh?"

 _Oh no! Back away from it, you dumbass_!

 **RUN MAN, RUN!**

The valiant attempt of getting away from the colorful rift failed as the force pulling me into it was too much strong.

 _You jinxed it!_

 **MAMA!**

* * *

Kiritsugu and Irisviel stared at the figure that had been summoned by the circle as he continued to cough because of the dust in his proximity.

"Ok! I hope this is all a joke so in three seconds you better reveal the prank or I will punish someone."

 _I still don't think this is a prank.._

 **You told me! No jinxing and let us hope of being right this time.**

The Magus Killer frowned as he heard two new voices quite nearby.

"Who is there?"

Iri looked at him curiously as she didn't heard anything.

Joseph turned toward the mafiaman-like individual looking at him.

"The question should be: 'Who are you'?"

The weird man looked at him blankly. "Kiritsugu Emiya, I'm your Master."

 _Oh no..._

 **What? I hope it's not anything about kinky stuff.**

 _I think we have been summoned by someone in the Heavens' Feel._

 **Oh boy! Wait! How is this possible? I am sure we halted that from happening?**

"This is the Fourth Holy Grail War. I don't know what are you talking about."

I snapped my head to the reply and I blinked in surprise as I understood what it meant.

 _You can hear us?_

 **What? How?**

"It seems that I didn't summon King Arthur after all..."

I frowned. "Artoria? Why would you want to summon her?"

"Her?" I finally noticed the woman standing on the formal-wearing man.

 _Is she?_

 **I would be impressed if she was.**

"Y-Yeah. Artoria was the King of Camelot but she surrendered after we fought."

"What do you know of my wife?" The question drew more surprise from me as I was still taking in the fact that this man was able to hear my 'Advisors'.

"She is quite similiar looking to my dear wife, Myasviel."

The woman gasped in awe. "The great founder?"

I frowned as I started to realise the connection between me and this woman.

"Wait! That means you are my many great granddaughter!"

A small gasp brought my attention to a smaller, cute version of the woman in front of me.

"Does that mean you are my... many great Gramps?"

I barely avoided melting at the sight of such cute individual but was unable to not brought her close to me in an hug. "So cute!"

"Illya!" My _Master_ said loudly. "You should be in bed by now."

"But I wanted to see if your servant was truly so strong." The little girl looked back at me. "Are you strong, Gramps?"

I was so much amused by her innocence that I let the nickname pass. "If I am strong?"

I bulged my muscles of one of my arms as I held her with the other.

"I am SUPERSTRONG!" She giggled at my reply while her mother smiled at the moment we were having.

* * *

 _Flying with modern planes has not changed at all..._

 **Yeah, it's kind of boring. I miss our private Jet.**

I helped Illya by taking her in my arms as her parents took their luggages.

 _And that moron of a puppet tried to put our dear great-granddaughter in an hostage situation._

 **Knave of the worst kind, I hope he will not try anything funny or our threats of unlimited pain will became a reality for him.**

"Whoa!" The young child tried to take in the incredible change of scenario in front of her but failed before the vast infinity of the summer sky of Fuyuki.

 _Truly grand._

 **I hope you meant 'Totally Awesome' because it's just too cool!**

"Saber, escort Iris and Illya around while Maiya and I deal with the luggages."

"Sure." I said but gave Illya to Irisviel for a moment. "Could you wait outside, dear child of mine?" The woman nodded a bit confused by my faux-sweet tone, noticing some weird feeling behind it.

As the mother and daughter left their proximity, my hands happily grasped the neck of the poor idiot that was my master.

"I know that you are a weird man, _Master_ , but I will not tollerate any sort of _bad behavior_ towards my family. I hope that _dealing with the luggage_ means dealing with the luggage."

My head turned towards the clearly panicked young woman. "Same for you, little girl." I dropped by vicious attack and left the man recover, Kiritsugu clearly looking shaken by this short but powerful exchange.

* * *

The docks seemed abandoned in this particular night, yet I had felt a powerful mana burst from the location.

It wasn't a mistake from a fellow Servant but a clear provocation to fight.

I knew that the conflict had already started as Assassin had been spotted 'dying' by the hand of Archer.

 _Assassin dying first feels quite wrong._

 **And fishy. Ya know, since we are... in a dockyard.**

 _I hate you so much sometimes._

It didn't take too much for a big man to show himself.

Red hair and beard didn't give much about his identity but since the boisterous attitude would have something remarkable enough for me to hear about in my reign, I could assume he was an Hero from a period before _mine_.

"Greetings Saber! I'm the Rider-Class Servant, Iskandaar." Then he pushed forward a scrawny boy. "And this is my Master, Waver Velvet."

As the young man looked quite irritated by the unnecessary presentation, I was quite surprised by Rider's words, both from how loud they were AND how they were actually revealing the truth. In a war.

 _We are fighting someone confident._

 **And this time it will be epic!**

As I was about to reply, another Servant decided to present himself to the two of us.

Wearing a green shirt, gauntlets and long gray pants. His class was easy to identify by the two lances in his hands.

"Salutation to you, Rider and Saber, I'm Lancer-Class Servant Diarmuid Ua Duibhne and I hope to have a proper fight against you two."

I felt some doubts at revealing my identity. At the end, I decided to go with the flow.

"Fine. I'm Saber-Class Servant, King Joseph of the English Empire. It's an honour to met Alexander the Great and the.. pervy mole man."

While Rider showed a big-toothed smile, Lancer paled a little. "S-Scathach?"

"Yep." He seemed to bow his head in shame, understanding that I knew about his... private stories.

As the happy-looking situation finished under the threat of the possible fight, another figure presented himself in front of us.

I almost facepalmed at the cocky grin in the face of this blond moron wearing a golden armor.

Ea seemed to crackle in agreement, yet I felt something different about my sword as it seemed to felt... nostalgic?

"It seems like a group of jesters has decided to prove some entertainment to the true King. Yet I think you all will fail to amuse me."

The joyous mood of the giant wasn't fazed by the arrogant speech. "And what a great King you seem to be. May I ask of your name as a fellow King?"

The Servant that I had identified as Archer snorted in disgust at the request.

"You, a King? You seem more like a brute than else. And why should I present myself if my figure clearly shows that I'm the King of Heroes, mongrels?"

While Lancer and Rider exchanged some looks of realisation, I looked even more confused by the blond moron's word. "Ok I feel like something is missing... who the heck are you?"

Diarmuid and Iskandar looked surprised at my question, the latter ending up laughing at my bluntness.

Archer didn't seem to take my words calmly as his face turned an ugly shade of purple.

As he seemed about to rant about my 'mongrelness' something quite _hard_ hit the ground quite rapidly and amongst the dust stood up a familiar armoured Knight.

"Lancelot?"

" **ARTHUUUUUUUR!** "

My eyes widened in surprise as the Knight seemed quite... weird.

 _Insane._

 **Dumber than the usual.**

"How dare you interrupt me, you mutt!" Several golden rifts opened behind the golden idiot and several swords, lances and axes were thrown at this new Servant's direction.

In a matter of second, the Knight of Ownership managed to take over some of the NPs and use them against the short barrage.

"You dare to use my treasure against me! I will-!" He paused for a moment before staring angrily away from all of us. "Damn you, Tokiomi." And the Servant vanished in a golden portal.

 **"ARTHUUUUUR-!** " The mad servant was hit brutally by Ea as precise and strong strikes were all what took to permanently finish the insane Lancelot.

"And-" I smacked once more. "-Stay-" I stumped his helmet. "-DOWN!" The Berserker growled as his body started to finally disappear in yellow mist.

Lancer and Rider stared shocked at my brutal execution but soon the two decided it was time to retreat.

"Understood Master." Diarmuid said as he rushed away from the area.

Alexander laughed while his master seemed quite pale after witnessing the quick end of Berserker.

"It will be fun to fight you now, Joseph, but I think our battle will not happen tonight. My master seems.. unable to do anything at the moment."

I nodded and let the Master and Servant leave the Docks.

I turned towards Iri. "Are you alright, dear child?" She nodded but looked absently at the spot where Lancelot was put down.

"We have a lot to do." I said, looking towards the temple. "I think I will have to investigate about this... grail."

* * *

 _This is bad.._

 **Seems like someone had decided to skip the bus for like... fifty years. Who is the prick?**

 _It's possible that it's this 'Angra Mainyu' Servant. He's not an Heroic Spirit and he was summoned via special protocols in this relic._

 **Soo... we blast it.**

No! The Grail is necessary for- _The end of the world, something I think you don't wish for Master._

...

 **Our dear child told us that what you wish for and, while I would say that it's impossible without ruling absolutely over the entire planet, I think it's a noble goal to try to attain.**

 _Ok._

 _Ready!_

 **Set!**

"ENUMA ELISH!"

In the following hours the local news would describe some abnormal earthquake originating from Ryuudou and would advise the population to stay at home for some days to discern the nature of this shocking event.

* * *

"What is that?" I stared at the weird being in front of the car.

It's been just few minutes since I had destroyed the Artifact and I could feel myself slightly weakening as the enchantment of the Grail was truly disappearing.

The other Servants would certainly be feeling much weaker than me as I wasn't an Heroic Spirit.

 _At least, we hope so._

 **That would suck if it wasn't...**

Yet my mind was still focused on the 'impressive' driving skills of my dear granddaughter.

 _You weren't much better in your early years._

 **I think we got several paper to pay because of our 'epic' skills in vehicles.**

Shut up. I didn't suck so much...

Anyway, big freaking Caster Servant on the middle of the road.

I decided to leave the car and frown at the douchebag, the moron still smiling like a dude high on something.

"Go away."

The man kept smiling and I sighed.

Iris decided in that moment to honk the car's horn and I panicked as the stupid being did some weird stuff.

"OK! WE ARE LEAVING!"

I jumped back in my seat as Iri proceeded to roadkill the weird... 'creature'.

I turned around and I sighed in relief as I saw the familiar yellow mist covering the crazy Servant's body.

"Good job, Iri." I commented but I soon noticed that the woman was looking distracted.

"Did you felt Caster's soul?" I was relieved as she shook her head negatively.

"I-" She tried to whisper but was unable to formulate whatever she wanted to say.

"I- My body will still deteriorate and fall apart in few months-" "Don't worry."

I knew what she was trying to say but thankfully I already knew what to do.

"I will fix you the closest human body possible, one that will last like an human being's."

Finally she cracked a smile as the car entered the forest that led to the Einzbern Castle.

"Thank you, Grandfather."

* * *

While Kiritsugu spent the night studying the plan to deal with Lancer's Master and Iri decided to sleep with Illya in the kingsize bed, I decided to have a midnight stroll in the almost empty streets of the city.

It was around two in the morning that I felt it. Magic Circuits of a young Magus flaring as if in danger.

I didn't waste time in pacing quickly towards the peculiar event and soon I was forced to walk through Fuyuki's sewers, feeling the signal of the weakening Circuits underground.

Few minutes of searching some clue, I reached a massive room with several columns.

I had to avert my eyes from the disgusting sight of children's corpses left hanging in said pillars.

I didn't need to continue searching aimlessly as I started to follow the bloodtrail on the ground.

It took just few steps for me to face the back of the suspected murderer, trying to do the same with two other children, two girls.

My heavy steps were enough to stop the monster in his deed and turn around, a gleeful smile in his face.

"Oh! I knew that my sacrifices would have summoned another demon. Even through you don't look so co- _oool._ " The idiot fell loudly on the ground as Ea smashed his head almost tearing it off.

As I verified the killer's death, I moved to untie the girl on the ground.

Unfocused blue eyes looked at me. "K-Kotone-chan." The girl fell asleep in that moment and seeing that she was merely drugged to sleep, I moved my attention at the barely breathing girl on the column.

Removing her from the painful position, I started to use every healing magecraft I knew and thankfully my attempts resulted in the girl's survival to the traumatic experience.

* * *

 **Rin Tohsaka's POV**

I woke up in a start as I felt someone touching my arm while sleeping.

My head snapped to the small figure that was sleeping on my side and I was happy to see that it was Kotone-chan, safe and unharmed.

Memories of the previous night still fresh but influenced by the strange substance the bad man had given to her.

I could remember Kotone's screams of pain but could also remember the Hero I had hoped would have saved her and her best friend.

Differently from that 'Gilgamesh' Servant her father had summoned, this one seemed to care about humans as he looked incredibly angry at the sight of Kotone being hurt.

While I felt scared by how the bad man had been ended, I was happy and relieved to see the torturer being killed.

"Good morning." I moved my head towards the door and saw a small white-haired girl looking at me and Kotone with a smile.

"G-Good morning." My throat hurted as I felt the stress of the previous night starting to come back.

"Gramps said that you were hurt by a bad man. Are you okay?"

The blunt tone in the young girl's voice relaxed my mind as I felt less in a lion's den and more in a 'kindergarten' of sort.

"I-I'm fine. Who is 'Gramps'?"

The girl smiled, happy that the two other children were fine and because she was proud of his Gramps.

"Gramps is the strongest Servant! He has that cool-looking sword that is SUPERSTRONG."

I had to restrain myself from giggling at the cheerful reply, feeling the white-haired girl's mood being quite contagious.

I felt Kotone shifting in the covers and soon I saw her eyes opening slowly.

The first thing she saw was my smile as she squeaked happily and bearhugged me.

"Rin-chan!"

I felt something wet in my shoulder and I saw that my best friend was crying.

"Kotone-chan! We were saved by..." "Illya!" "..Illya-chan's Gramps."

The other girl turned and stared in awe at the red-eyed girl. "Woah! Is your Gramps some superhero, Illya-chan?"

Illya grinned happily. "Yes! Gramps is a Superstrong Superhero!"

"My name is Kotone, Illya-chan. This is Rin-chan, my best friend. She is quite shy." She giggled as I blushed embarassed. "K-Kotone-chan!"

A soft knocking by the door interrupted our small talk as the Knight that had saved me and Kotone entered the room holding two plates with small cakes.

* * *

 **Joseph POV**

"That girl, Kotone, the police has found few hours ago the bodies of her parents. She's an orphan."

"That's dreadful! That teen was truly the monster I saw in the Sewers."

I mused as I stared at Kiritsugu, still focused on the other girl, Rin, as she was the child of Archer's master, Tokiomi Tohsaka.

Irisviel was silent for most of the exchange but the single sentence she delivered was enough to halt the discussion between me and _my master_.

"We are adopting her."

"Iri-" "WE are adopting her."

Kiritsugu tried to look at me and get my support in this matter but I already felt on my skin the effects of a prolonged disagreement between a man and a woman from the Einzbern clan. So I merely looked away and whistled in faux innocence.

"Okay." Kiritsugu said defeated. "But Saber will be the one to give her the news."

I nodded slowly, trying to not think of the order as a childish comeback of this discussion.

So I took the liberty to take in my hands the plates with the breakfast for the two girls and went to the room given to them.

As I entered the room and spotted the two girls and Illya inside, I knew it was going to be a difficult day for me.

* * *

 _Two days later..._

Ryuudou's temple was set ablaze by the clash of Gate of Babylon and Ea as Archer tried a last push for power.

"I thought your master would have avoided confrontations since we had his daughter."

Gilgamesh smiled deviously as he tried to get an opening in my adapting fighting style.

"That fool, Tokiomi, has failed to impress me and so I decided to switch for someone much more acceptable."

The implication meant an awful lot of things for Tokiomi Tohsaka's fate, yet the fact that the King of Heroes had sounded quite malicious when delivering the sentence, I knew that Rin's parents had been killed by the traitorous Servant.

"You disgust me, Archer. Whoever decided to make you a King was truly a fool!"

The Servant snarled as several chains tried to take hold of me.

Immediately Ea created a full shield around me and repelled the strong chains.

 _ **Master, I need you to use one of the commands to enchant Ea. I need some help in deploying its full potential**_.

U-Understo-od Saber.

Kiritsugu seemed to be busy himself with someone as he sounded quite tired.

A massive overload of prana entered the Sword of Rupture.

" **Show your might, destroy our foes, enjoy the feast in front of you..** "

I moved the sword up in the dark sky, ready to deploy its full might on the annoying blonde.

" **Create a New World, ENUMA ELISH!** "

Gilgamesh's eyes widened as he had hoped to use the major weakness of the sword in his battle and overwhelm me with a short skirmish.

Sadly for him, the inability to be able to use Ea's full power was something I had been able to overcome by training with it for centuries.

A red tornado obliterated the golden servant and the strong wind put down the flames dancing around the area.

With a sigh, I looked behind me and saw a portal trying to pull me into it.

I managed to subdue and kill Kirei Kotomine. The 'War' is over, Saber.

 _ **Indeed, master, and it seems it's my time to go. I hope you will treat my family properly and take care of Kotone and Rin.**_

Yes. Thank you, Saber.

I smiled as I was finally pulled into the rift and, few seconds of weird colorful flying, I feel on a green ground and I noticed my dear wives rushing to me and hugging me as if their life depended on it.

"Where were you?" Artoria asked and I cracked a big smile.

"Let's just say I fixed 'another' world."

* * *

 **Epilogue**

Illyasviel Emiya, sixteen years old, walked happily towards home as school day had finished early than the usual.

It's been six years since the events of the Fourth and Last Grail War and she was the proud big sister of two amazing young girls.

The first few years had been hard for her as she was targeted by several bullies for her European's ancenstry.

It was in one of those situations that she 'unlocked' something within her that her Papa had defined as "Saber's crazy mind".

She didn't want to call it so and she defined the voices with the term 'Advisors'.

 _Papa is the crazy one. We are the sanest girl in the world._

 **And we kick ass in that part!**

Cracking a smile, Illyasviel continued her path towards home. Her life perfectly normal and void of dangers.

* * *

 **AN**

 **FIN!**

 **I had started to write this chapter like ten hours ago and I finished it with my hands hurting like hell.**

 **Indeed one of the longest chapters I've ever written and I do feel proud for this lenght.**

 **Sadly, my mind is unable to write down the Stats of Joseph (Saber) and I will write it in another time.**

 **Review Q &A!**

 **Hashirama 1710** **: Sadly I just got the discovery of Joseph having Ea's reaction.**

 **Azrael-Von-Gruber** **: SUPAHSTRONK!**

 **tanithlipsky** **: Thank you!**

 **Saberfang Orcalodon** **: I hope you like the lenghty, last chapter.**

 **PasiveNox** **: Thank you!**

 **Ragna Blood** **: Hashtag TeamJoseph all the way!**

 **Redyun** **: No, they were battling near the border. The fight would have never harmed an entire city.**

 **fong2tk** **: Now this summary seems like a Brazzer RP video. xD**

 **Fenrir-kun** **: Morgan joined Joseph when she was 20 so it's difficult for her to conceive Agravain, especially since he was given life for revenge against Artoria, something Morgan doesn't have in this fanfic.**

 **Phantom** **: And this review will end in my Top 10 best reviews XD**

 **Guest(Chapter9)** **: Only if Gilgamesh is his Caster version. I think there is some bad blood between Archer and Saber.**

 **Giuseppe** **: "I'm boner of my sword."**

 **piddle** **: Actually Avalon can tank some impressive attacks and it's considered one of the few NPs that can take a full-powered Enuma Elish.**

 **merendinoemiliano** **: Thank you!**


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